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Hi, everyone! I hope you’re your holidays have been delightful. Happy New Year from the show.

I, frankly, don’t have a full on post in me; it’s been a draining couple of weeks. Luckily, since we’ve revised our ‘about’ page, I am able to post the text from the old page here.

It’s a funny story Mike and I wrote one night.

The Story of the Film So Far…

 

Greetings, gentle reader, from the grim spectre of history.

They called it the Great War. Of course, this was before the Great War which would later be known as greater than the Great War initially mentioned on the left flank of this sentence.

The year? 1916. The day? Wednes. Wanting to see the world, Ian walked to Europe using the secret pathways known only to his family, the Walking [name redacted] where he took a job as Theobald von Bethmann Hollweg, Chancellor of the German Empire because he felt that one can’t truly have “the European experience” until you’ve led the German Empire in an war of expansion.

Meanwhile, our heroine, Christopher Herbert Aloysius Badonkadonk Scalzowitz, II was working in a French stable as a bridle where his paramour intended for him to understand “Equus” but where he learned, instead, the true meaning of friendship.

It was sheer coincidence that he happened to be bathing after a hard day’s work in the very lagoon where a contingent of German U-Boats sat in wait at the Chancellor’s command.

The German naval officers’ poor command of French led to a slight confusion of the words “bridle” and “brigadier general” leading to Chris’ being shipped off to das Germankapitalbergleaderplatz for interrogation.

Returning to Germany with a requisitioned French Oubliette for Chris, Ian summoned an entity of malice from the depths of Gevura, bound in the flesh of a Welsh cobbler’s son, to extract all of bridle Christopher’s knowledge of the French defenses.
How could anyone know that this hateful sephirothic creature would one day live in the flesh of Mike? They couldn’t. It’s called rhetoric. The “H” is silent. Read a book. Oh, and just to clarify, wikipedia is not, nor will it ever be, “a book.”

The Welsh cobbler’s son tortured our heroine for 6 days and also for 7 nights, in accordance with union regulations, but learned nothing beyond the true meaning of friendship, and something about a depressed equestriophile.

Young, battered Chris was beginning to lose hope and blood when amidst the cries of “A PERSON ATTACHED TO ANOTHER PERSON BY FEELINGS OF AFFECTION AND PERSONAL REGARD!” when ginger-haired American Civil War veteran, Cannoneer Michael “Smithpie” Baseball leapt to his rescue. Somehow. Using only his trusty cannonball, ‘Betsy Ross,’ and his sparse facial hair, “Smithpie” ripped the malicious entity from the flesh of the son of the cobbler from Wales and bound it to ‘Betsy Ross,’ infusing it with the power of the spheres.

Freeing our heroine, and foregoing the obligatory rescue sex, as General Grant would have wanted him to, our Smithpie left Chris concealed upon the Chancellor’s own steed before departing for Gallipoli with some Australians where he comicly died on the beach in the rain.

And thus the Dan & Steve Show was born!

-Ian K.